Thursday, November 30, 2006

Why would I consciously decide to take myself to a mentally bad place?

It's interesting to see the way this blog has evolved. In the beginning, I wrote extensively about current events, throwing in the occasional personal (or at least non-political) anecdote mostly when my former blog partner cajoled me into doing so. I reveled in writing serious, controversial posts, going on about the topic du jour whether it was politics, disengagement issues, railroad issues, etc. My posts ranged from serious to humorous, with healthy doses of sarcasm and cynicism thrown in for good (or bad) measure. Living in Israel provides enormous amounts of fodder for blogging, and it's often just a matter of picking which of today's news stories you want to write about the most. Some days have so many noteworthy events taking place that you just can't decide which one to choose. Other days, you "make do", so to speak, with a personal piece.

As many of my faithful readers have probably noticed, for the past few months, my writing has overwhelmingly taken a turn towards the personal and away from the political. There's a part of me that's disappointed in that, as I'd never really intended to change the focus, but to be honest, lately, I seem to have lost my passion for current events issues. The war this past summer sapped a lot of my energy, and I think I haven't completely recovered. It took a huge emotional toll in so many different ways. It affected my relationships, often forcing me to accept certain, difficult, truths about people in my life. Some rifts were reparable while others were not. It affected my feelings about this country, especially those in power. Feelings of great anger intermingled with feelings of frustration, fear and disappointment, all directed in so many different directions. I felt weak on so many levels, weak and disenchanted.

Since the end of the war, we've been forced to deal not only with our failures vis a vis Lebanon, but also the gross dysfunctionality (is that even word? I don't care – it works for me) of our government and our society. Between the many politicians in various stages of investigation (whether it be fraud, accepting bribes, shady real estate deals, sex-related charges, etc), to military and political leaders failing to take responsibility for their actions, to escaped violent sex offenders, to public-sector strikes, life is just too depressing, and quite frankly, I simply don't have the energy to write about it. Our beloved country is slowly but surely falling apart on so many different levels; it is rotting from the top down, and I often find myself utterly astonished by just how badly things are going for us lately. The people in power seem to be more concerned with saving their own asses than with saving the country, and like many other people I know, I'm tired of watching their pathetic games and power plays.

What is perhaps even sadder than being witness to these political antics is having to admit that as disillusioned as we are by our current leaders, there is absolutely no one out there who can replace them, no one who can set us back on the right track. We are, in a sense, stuck with what we've got, and there are no viable alternatives. Judging by how quickly our society is unraveling, I have very little hope for our future. Life goes from bad to worse on a daily basis, and when you think it can't get any worse, somehow, we manage to go even further downhill, sort of like a snowball that goes faster and faster, gathering speed and size as it hurls towards the bottom, only to crash and fall apart.

These days, I don't really have anything good to say about what's happening in my country, which is why, I suppose, I have chosen to say almost nothing about it at all. I'm burned out, and cannot be bothered to tackle so much negativity. There are just so many critical posts I can write without starting to sound redundant, or without depressing myself even more about our current state of affairs, and why would I want to do that? Why would I consciously decide to take myself to a mentally bad place? I want to enjoy my writing, not feel as though it's a chore, that my heart's not in it. What would be the point? I mean, I'm glad you're all out there, but when it comes down to it, I'm writing for me, and doing what makes me feel good. So for now, whether I intended for it to happen or not, my focus seems to be shifting.

Of course, that could all change tomorrow or next week. We'll just have to wait and see now, won't we?


Savtadotty said...

I am in the same place you are. Don't feel like blogging at all, for the moment. I hope it's temporary.

lisoosh said...

Here is a big psychic hug, it sounds like you need it.

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, I have similar thoughts about both of my countries!

RR said...

Once again, you've articulated so beautifully exactly what many of us are feeling. I was in a parking garage last night, for heaven's sake, sitting there thinking that however godawful our government is, there is absolutely nothing to be done about it and WE ARE STUCK WITH IT.

Just when I think our country cannot sink farther in its handbasket-to-Hell, it does.

Grim, ain't it?

tafka PP said...

I too am with you all the way on this one, as you know well.

But let's try and remain hopeful for some positive changes, and soon! (Yeah, I'm more optimistic than usual from lack of sleep. Next week, when I'm down, YOU can cheer ME up)

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I'm here from Savtadotty's place. This is exactly how many of us feel. Only you express it far better than I could.

nrg said...

hang in there Liza... you bring a cool breeze of sanity in a country that sounds like it's sweltering in just the opposite. I suggest you go snuggle up to the little one and take yourself to a mentally fantastic place!
Hugs from the great and bizarrly warm north!

Arik said...

I think what your feeling is a must given the hectic lifestyle and stream of events in this country.

Could it be that you are becoming "one of us" - meaning, looking into your own family ignoring (or trying to avoid thinking) of what is going outside?

Just a thought...

woman wandering said...

I'm sorry ... I just caught up on your posts, reading down from the top, and this one struck me powerfully.

I get so frustrated, looking from the outside in and today I remembered why I first liked your blog ... it's because you put a human face ... hmmm present 'the story' from the perspective of the people ... we only see government out here and I can barely stand to watch them on tv in these days.

Thanks for reminding me that they are something seperate to people like you.